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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Divorce. Is this the only way?

Despite the truth about the sanctity of marriage, divorce become a commonplace in many societies and has increased even among Christians. Too often, it is the bitter fruit of anger and failure. Divorce is an ugly word and a shattering experience, but the victims are not ugly or evil people, especially the children. Couple needs to consider that the cure of most marital troubles does not lie in divorce. If you are married and you and your spouse experiencing difficulties, remember that the remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce or separation.

Studies show that the main causes of divorce among couples are failure by husband and wives in discharging their responsibilities, the others were low grounding in religion, interference by third parties, difference in culture, sexual problems, money and careers.

Marriage is a very difficult institution to hold together. It is a hectic life. It's stressful. But successful marriage is possible...the key is communication. Ask about your finances, which church to go, how many times you need to visit your relatives every year, how many children you both want, things like these can cause problems and disagreements and they can add up quickly and lead to divorce. But too often, couples don't do it too soon enough. Marriage takes a lot of give and take, a lot of loyalty to the other person and a lot of love and caring.

So, why people get divorced when most common reasons are preventable? The top reasons were 'lack of commitment', 'too much conflict and arguing', and infidelity - reasons that can be addressed by counseling and interventions included in various healthy marriages.

Think of what is the effect of divorce on your children's lives. It is a stressful experience for all children regardless of age or developmental level. The pain they experience composed of a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of intact family, loss of non-custodial parent, a feeling of anger as the disruption of the family and strong feeling of powerlessness, but one of the most profound effects is in the impact on a child's later marriage.

The scriptures counsel against divorce generally and advise husbands and wives to love each other in righteousness (Matt 19:3-9). Think of your marriage vows, the sweet memories of courtship, and the gifts God has given you in your marriage: your loved ones and your children. Afterall, it's worth saving your family and giving up your pride.

15 comments:

Aldhis said...

I just wanna add that we must put Jesus as our head of family instead of communication only.
If you put yourself or even your fam when communicate each other, you still might face a divorce because both will feel right in the name of family. But if we put Jesus above all and take an example from Him, then we should be able to listen to others and solve the prob.

Anders W. Ellingsen said...

That was a nice reflection, Whiteshadow. Pray man and woman by faith will stick together thinking they are meant for another and pray mothers and fathers will understand a divorce really is stressful and painful to the children. You wrote "lack of commitment" is the main cause for divorces, and that is not surprising in a world of shamelessness. People today will not count. Both man and woman have been involved in sexual relations before marriage, and so there is no feeling marriage is holy. We are shameless. God see to it lack of commitment becomes a disgrace.

AngelMist said...

When I think of family, I think of the parents as a pillar. It has to be strong to stand against all odds and challenges to protect the kids. Divorce is just a result of a weak pillars, weakened by pride and insensitivity. There are friction between couple just because one ignores to appreciate the little things that other has done. Marriage is nourish not only by sacrifices and long-suffering, or suppressing their personal impulses and pride but also through sincere appreciation of good works, expressing gratitude and spending quality time together. Of course, there is no such marriage as perfect, but there is an ideal one.

Iron_woman said...

Thanks for this post whiteshadow. Gods perfect will for us, is one mate for life... he did make provisions.. for divorce, but, he stated that he hated.. putting away.. which is divorce... he does not want to see us in pain, nor our children neglected.. and our marriage is a meant to show how he loves and holds onto and cares for his body.. it is his will for us to become one.. in marriage.. to our spouse and to him...

Love and forgiveness are always preferable to divorce... and much more empathize needs to be put on marriage to begin with.. it is taken far to lightly... it is a very important commitment... and should be for life...

tikno said...

This is a horrible question. Some people do their marriage with the intention for get popularity (with famous people), some for increase their social status (with rich people), some for pleasure (sex). Some with the aim for creates a happiness. It's good if realized that man and woman needed each other.

For me, marriage is sacred. I already receive all love from my parent, and now, it's my turn to inherit their love to the next generation.

But.. let me know of what your aim in marriage? Please share to others too. That's what friend are for.

WHITEShadow said...

Dear Aldhis: I agree with you that a family that make Jesus Christ as a center of their lives will have a successful journey. I have a tendency to assume that He is the center of everything, but thanks for bringing that up as I haven't mention it.

Dear Anders W. Ellingsen: I know there are countries that don't practice divorce and they are okay, they have overcome all of the trials in their family and it is really true that divorce is not a solution. I seems to me that people are seeking divorce not because they can't handle the situation but it's because they want a way out for some reason and don't want to take an extra miles for their family. People that are selfish and full of pride. But my heart aches to those who suffer from abuse and they only way out is divorce and I know they don't deserve it.But I don't agree with your statement that says "both man and woman have been involved in sexual relations before marriage" I agree that there are lots of men and women that engage in such activity as it seems to be the trend of the younger generations. But there are also a number of women that long-prepared themselves for their husband as I believe that is the only thing they can offer to the person whom they love and I believe their purity is something they can be proud of for their husband. And I agree that this brings big respect within couples.

Dear AngelMist: It's a good thought about marriage. Thanks for sharing.

Dear Iron_woman: Thanks for your input and I agree with one-man-one-woman for life in marriage and also as you said that love and forgiveness should be within marriage.

Dear Tikno: Thanks for the input and the question about marriage. I believe than marriage is part of God's plan as it is part of our spiritual progression. It is a sacred call for men and women for doing so, we become God's partner in pro-creation to bring new life to earth. That's why sex is not supposed to be for physical pleasure but an activity with love and respect shared by married couple only as a divine activity which God designed for them.
I hope I did answer your question.

Keep the faith...
WHITEShadow

tikno said...

Thanks for sharing.

niar said...

dear white shadow,
I almost have experience about the divorce of my parents. But fortunately, God still give their a times to introspection their own self. actually I have willing if it really occur in me. Because as a children, I wanna see my parents happy than life in the uncomfortable situation.
be there is a good or kind someoThe divorce case is often occur, and children suffer the most, because we know that family is everything. So before decide someone to be our pair and get marry with him we have to thinking hard about is he / she really someone we need, and can make us comfort and safe.And we have to take and give too, really appreciate him, and care of him. keep the communication and faith..
...hope we can be a happy family

Sachin Malhotra said...

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Seno said...

very nice blog. you write your important memory here. regards. seno.

Anders W. Ellingsen said...

Whiteshadow,

Praised be the ones who prepares themselves for marriage by omitting sexual relations! Praised be the pure of heart. But today they are few, unfortunately, and when being shameless and not wanting to count in this essential relation people will not count as women or men at all. And by shamelessness the Son, who is the life of God, suffers, to say the least. Today there is no acknowledgment of the Son. :-(

I agree with you, though, some marriages are to be ended, if marked by violence and offenses. But it is much to easy to get a divorce today. :-)

WHITEShadow said...

Dear Tikno: You are always welcome.

Dear Niar: Thanks for sharing your experience with your family. I'm happy that you're family was able to overcome those trials and keep your family intact. I know that the children can do their part to save the marriage of their parents as they too are the reason why they have to save it. Thanks for sharing your nice thought about the issue.

Dear Sachin Malhotra: Thanks for visiting my blog. You are welcome to share your honest opinion too and inspire the reader. I know that this is one of the way to share our gospel views.

Dear Seno: Thanks for visiting and for the compliments. This is not made for naught but for the purpose of pacifying the readers and somehow, I can share my pure view about gospel principles.

Dear Anders W. Ellingsen: Thanks for recognizing those few people who tried to keep themselves worthy for their future mate. I believe most of them are those who are not polluted with technology, those who live a simple life, and who don't live with the influence of alcohol and drugs, and those who believe that virtue is just as precious as their lives. And those who serve faithfully in their calling at their churches...those who are true to their faith.

Let's keep the faith...
WHITEShadow

Simply-Mel said...

What a fun post! Thanks for the lovely award. I will post it this week and share my 10 happy things too!

(Mel from ScrapFan www.thescrapfan.blogspot.com)

WHITEShadow said...

Thanks Simply-mel: I hope you have fun playing along. Lorna at I whisper to God just found out we have lots of things in common. That is interesting. :)

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